"I've never talked to a man... a man has never talked to me without staring at my boobs. Or my legs. Or... Never my eyes. They never look me in the eyes when they talk to me. Eyes are the windows to the soul, somebody said. But no, men don't look there." She emphasized 'there' the way most women emphasized the word when they meant their vaginas. "I think the only man I could fall in love with will have to be blind."
"I," Mack said, "unfortunately can see and exceedingly well. Have a drink."
The waiter poured wine into her glass, glanced at her boobs, and then poured Mack his glass of wine.
"Nice breasts?" Mack asked; the waiter blushed, coughed, and walked off with a mumbled apology. "There goes his tip."
"You did say 'tiP,' didn't you?"
Mack smiled. Calvado smiled. They clinked glasses together and were on their way.
After the first bottle of wine came, a second. After dinner, came an after dinner drink and after the after dinner drink, came the long stagger home.
"I'll get us a taxi," Mack said.
"Screw the taxi, Mack, let's hoof it. It's only... How far is it, Mackie-babe."
"Well, for the sober, it's 12 blocks." He held Calvado by the shoulders for fear that she would tumble over.
"How much for the recently inebriated, Mack? I like that name, Mack, Mack. A certain manly swagger to it, you know, Mack?" Calvado stumbled into a potted tree. "Excuse me, ma'am. Oh, you're a tree. Look, Mack, a tree."
"Yes, Calvado. Come. I'll get us a taxi."
"Not for me, Macko."
And thus they began a long, weaving, staggering, hiccuping trip up twelve New York City blocks that a sober jogger could probably cover in fifteen minutes or less but took Mack and Calvado one hour and twelve minutes; 72 minutes. Calvado talked about everything: dresses, posing with a can of tomato juice ("The Tomato - that's me - and the Tomato Juice. Get it? Ain't art directors original?"), the physiology of a snail, and a few thousand other topics that popped into her head as her body struggled to put one foot in front of the other.
Mack steered her away from dangerous hedges, bushes, and trees and oncoming traffic; he suggested less frivolous paths toward their apartment building than through garbage cans and locked windows.
He thought she was charming drunk; she was beautiful sober or drunk, but drunk, she was charming. She had a laugh that reminded him of summer, she had a smile that etched sorrow on his heart. He wanted nothing evil to happen to her so he knew, as they staggered home, that he would never, could never, take her out again. He considered moving, but it would be costly and he liked his apartment. He knew he would be civil to her, jovial, good-natured, and supportive. In their apartment building. In the street, though, no. He could not see her in the streets, in the public, again. Too dangerous. Too risky. Too... Mack.
•••
Calvado woke up with a first class hangover. She tried to focus on her alarm clock, but failed. She watched the room dip slowly to port; she shifted away from the window and it's obnoxious sunlight. The room sank slowly to starboard. She closed her eyes and tried to review the previous evening. She remembered sipping wine. And stumbling up the street. And... That was about it. She tried to place Mack in the events of the evening. He was at the restaurant. She was pretty sure he helped her home. Then what did he do? Did he undress her? She felt her body. Nope, she was still dressed. How'd she get in her own apartment? Did he unlock it and then, what? Lock it behind him as he left? Does he have a key? Is he still in the apartment? She looked slowly around her bedroom but didn't see any male clothing.
She decided to risk standing up. She didn't make it. She tried again. She sat on the edge of her bed, her head in her hands, and waited for the floor to return to its stationery state. It didn't. She laid back down, closed her eyes, and hoped for tomorrow.
"I still don't know what Mack does," she thought. As her brain switched itself off and sleep overtook her, she hoped she could sleep for a fortnight. This was not to be.
________________________
